Ok, so maybe I don’t write every day, but I have to start writing. Somebody said that you better write crap than not write anything at all. So that’s what I’m doing, and hopefully it’s not all crap. But I am apologizing in advance if it is.
Today I shall write about being sick. It’s where I am physically and where I’ve been for the last 3 days. Being sick is more about a state of mind, and a negligence towards the physical body than an actual sickens. What is sickness? germs? eh! don’t think so. Catching a cold? how did I catch it? I don’t remember running after a thing, green blob like thing, and catching it. Actually, what I remember is being tired after a stressful week of work, driving for 5 hours, pitching a tent at midnight, in pouring rain, sleeping in a leaky tent, with constant rain coming down for 2 days, wet clothes, sun burned, and some drinking. But of course I got sick! Immune system was taxed at both ends. First, I come to this weekend all tired and stress. Then I get tot he campsite and all I get is rain, wet sleeping arrangements, cold, and fear that coyotes, bears, and what else was lurking out there, are going to come and attack. My body doesn’t like it when I’m tired. My body cannot stand stress, that’s why I took the job I did, to alleviate stress. Well, that didn’t happen.
Not complaining about my job, but it seems like this is not as stress-less as I was told it would be. It slowly started to take on its own life, its own proportions, and it’s gotten to a point where it’s dominating my awake hours. Starting with a change in my duties and what is expected of me, followed by the stress that I could lose my job because of the company’s improper use of finances, to the constant and increased monitoring of what I do, every freaking second, my stress levels have shot through the roof.
The creative types (and I am one of such) cannot deal with and cannot function with a choker around their throats. But how can I relate this to someone who can only function when he’s in control of every detail around him, personal or otherwise?
I think that people get more controlling when things in their lives go to shit. The more they lose control in their personal life, the more they want to control every little aspect of every little thing in their environment. But if you’ve lived long enough, or have been in this situation before, YOU KNOW that there is no real control, that you have no real control. and I’m not a big advocate of totally “going with the flow” either, but to crampon yourself down and be so darn unmovable, unbending, it’s just downright crazy. Trees survive storms because they bend. People survive changes in their environment because they adapt. You will not survive anything if you are unwilling to change, and to allow for a certain degree of loss of control.
I say, control what you can! As in: control what you eat! Control what you think! Control what you do! And let the world be what it is otherwise. Take a darn breath, and relax your shoulders already! You’re stressing people out. Go take a yoga class, and stop competing with others. You’re there for yourself, not for the people in the class.
Enough about control today. It’s stressing me out.